Fight, Flight, or Freeze During Difficult Conversations

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Hello, it's Dr. Emerald. As a dedicated family chiropractor in Gilbert, AZ, I always stress the importance of holistic health. Part of it involves understanding how our body responds to stress, specifically the fight, flight, and freeze response. This is part of our body's autonomic response to danger, which manifests in physical reactions when faced with challenging situations.

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These responses can be triggered by any perceived threats, including hard conversations. It's interesting to note how our bodies react similarly when having hard conversations as they would when faced with a physical threat. This reaction is primal and ingrained deeply in our psyche. It's as if we are back in the cave, being chased by a tiger.

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What Is Your Response To Adversity?

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Personal responses to challenging situations can vary throughout our life and even the environments we find ourselves in. I've found that I used to lean towards the 'fight' response, getting defensive in challenging conversations. However, as I've grown and worked on better understanding my stress triggers and how my body reacts when it's stressed, I've been able to shift my response to these situations. I'm in no way saying I nail it perfectly every time but with practice and awareness I find I'm able to respond rather than react more efficiently than I have in the past. 

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It's important to remember that our reactions might differ depending on who we're interacting with. For example, with authority figures, you might freeze, but with close family members or friends, you might fight back. Understanding these responses is an integral part in helping what goes into creating safe spaces for hard conversations.

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Trauma Responses

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Another critical aspect of our responses to adversity is understanding trauma. Many people mistakenly think trauma is limited to large-scale events, like war or abuse. In reality, trauma can stem from any distressing event, and our body's responses are often influenced by these past traumas.

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When creating safe spaces for hard conversations, it's crucial to understand that even in these spaces, our bodies may still react based on past experiences. We can create a nurturing environment, but how the other person feels will still be influenced by their own experiences.

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The Importance Of Having Conversations About Conflict When We're Not In Conflict

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Understanding your needs and communicating them effectively is crucial. For instance, some people might need space to gather their thoughts, while others prefer to talk things out immediately.

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Understanding these needs and discussing them beforehand can help prevent escalation of conflicts. However, it's crucial to remember that taking a time out shouldn't mean stonewalling or dismissing the other person's feelings.

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Acknowledging and understanding our body's responses to stress, the impact of past traumas, and effectively communicating our needs in conflict situations are essential steps to advocate for our holistic health.

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Understanding the Need for Timeout

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A key aspect Katherine brought up was the significance of timeouts during intense conversations or conflict. Sometimes, in order to avoid the rush of cortisol that accompanies the fight or flight response, we need to take a pause. Typically, she suggests taking about a 20-minute break, during which we completely distract ourselves, thus allowing our bodies to calm down. However, crucial to this process is the promise to return and finish the conversation. This commitment ensures both parties feel heard and respected, fostering a more effective resolution.

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Identifying Your Safe Spaces

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When we dove deeper into the discussion, I found myself pondering the idea of identifying personal safe spaces. As a dedicated family chiropractor in Gilbert, AZ, I have found that many of us don't often know what these safe spaces look like, which could be detrimental to our holistic wellness. The journey to understanding your safe spaces can be personal, or something you share with a partner, if they're open to it. This understanding could help in reducing the occurrence of the fight, flight, or freeze response and contribute to better interpersonal communication.

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Acknowledging Our Triggers

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In any conflict resolution environment, it's important to understand our triggers. Katherine emphasizes that we can't hold others accountable for triggering us if they were unaware of these triggers in the first place. Introspection, insight, and personal work can help identify these triggers and manage their intensity over time. Sharing these triggers with partners, friends, or family members also allows them to create a safe space for meaningful conversations.

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Taking Action

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In closing our podcast, we agreed that personal work plays a pivotal role in conflict resolution. Understanding trauma responses, identifying triggers, and communicating our needs to our partners are all essential steps towards healthier conversations. We also reiterated the importance of having these conversations outside of conflicts, as it encourages empathy and understanding without the cloud of a heated argument.

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In the same way that we take care of our physical health, tending to our emotional well-being and communication skills is also essential. As a gentle, specific, and holistic family chiropractor in Gilbert, AZ, I hope these insights will help you further advocate for your health. Until next time, continue advocating for your wellness, and we'll meet again in our next discussion.
 

Recorded at Base Camp Health, located at 3303 S Lindsay Rd Suite 113 Gilbert, AZ 85297